End Notes

This consists of the end notes included in the book. There is no index because the index system at this time does not work easily with e-readers; my apologies to those who purchase the in-print copies.

End Notes

1.Some couples even commit for “this life and all future lives to come.” This may limit personal growth from one incarnation to the next. (Handfasting triggers deep parts of the psyche connected to messages about marriage and mating– p. iii)

2.http://www.reclaiming.org/about/witchfaq/charge.html/ (The phrase from that charge, “All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals”- p. iv) http://www.sacred-texts.com/bos/bos058.htm http://www.sacred-texts.com/pag/gbos/gbos39.htm

3.Ruben, Gretchen. The Happiness Project. Harper Perennial. 2011.336 pp. (It is also possible to preserve your happiness and protect the well-being of any children you have, even in the face of divorce. – p. iv)

4.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/31/texas-gay-divorce-denied-appeals-court_n_701393.html (The second is that where it is legal, same sex divorce may not yet be – and couples have already had to face that complication in a few locations. –p. v)

5.This does not mean routine disputes in marriage make vows less holy. (When marriage becomes something other than a source of safety and partnership, it loses sanctity –p. v)

6. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/11/111103161830.htm (Women who married and divorced so young were often college or even high school dropouts  – p. 9)

7.Originally created as a marketing phrase to induce panic over women leaving bad marriages (Media commenters, religious leaders, and even casual acquaintances refer to children from divorced households as children of “broken homes,” – p. 9)

8.Enns, C. Z. (1994), Archetypes and Gender: Goddesses, Warriors, and Psychological Health. Journal of Counseling & Development, 73: 127–133. doi: 10.1002/j.1556-6676.1994.tb01724.x (Divorced men and women must instead draw from maiden and warrior story archetypes, because no myths deal directly with failed interdependence.- p. 10)

9.Baptism of a child by Wiccan parents (A ritual can apply to any purpose or event: rites of passage rituals have included funeral rites for pets, Wiccanings – p. 10)

10.Rite of passage acknowledging menopause (A ritual can apply to any purpose or event: rites of passage rituals have included funeral rites for pets, Wiccanings, and Cronings – p. 10)

11.Rare (Others use it as a rite of transformation, changing the relationship from sexual and marital to friendship. – p.10)

12.Berger, Helen. Voices from the Pagan Census. Columbia, SC. University of South Carolina Press. 2003. pp. 279. (We can guess as to the total neopagan population based on the Pagan Census project. – p. 11)

13.Adler, Margot. Drawing Down the Moon. New York. Penguin Books. 1997. pp 608. (Margot Adler’s Drawing Down the Moon painted a picture of US Pagans in the 70s and 80s. –p.11)

14.http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-05-11-divorce-decline_N.htm (“We knew the odds going in,” referring to the national odds on marital failure being around fifty percent and as of 2010, dropping.  –p. 11)

15.http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm (While the overall divorce rate may seem daunting, statistically divorce itself poses no more threat15 to the institution of marriage than does same sex marriage.  – p.11)

16.This cannot account for legally unrecognized marital situations such as polyamory. (the US sees roughly 6000 divorces where one or both members of the couple identify as Pagan. p. 12)

17.Westermarck, Edward. History of Human Marriage, Vol 1. 1922. pp 570. (Established initially to manage and identify offspring, it quickly became a political tool among the upper economic/aristocratic classes and a business arrangement in the lower classes, especially in feudal Europe. -p.14)

18.May, Elaine Tyler. Great Expectations: Marriage and Divorce in Post-Victorian America. Chicago. University of Chicago Press. 1980.  (Marriage is undergoing a new evolution as women demand, and attain, full human rights. – p. 14)19.Ibis. (In eastern cultures marriage forms on assessments of compatibility by a couple’s parents – no romance is expected. – p. 15)

20.Fabricius, William V.; Luecken, Linda J.  Journal of Family Psychology, Vol 21(2), Jun 2007, 195-205. doi: 10.1037/0893-3200.21.2.195  (Mental health professionals are finding it is more important that children have a present male figure and that they parents minimize the conflict that children see – even in an “unbroken” home.- p. 15)

21.The original definition of wife meant “woman of low employment.” (Victorian values crept into marriage concepts in the late 19th century: that status of women changed from helpmates that worked beside their husbands in trades changed to the idealized status of “wives” restricted to the inside of their homes happened as the industrial revolution changed day to day lifestyles. –p. 15)

22.An Islamic cultural practice involving cloistering all females so that their only social contact is their husbands/the men of their household. (What resulted amounts to Western purdah.-p. 15)

23.May (At the end of the 1800s, marriage culture charged women with full moral responsibility for her husband and offspring. – p. 15)

24.May (If lucky, she might achieve happiness in the home; otherwise, she could look forward to death and her reward in heaven while acting as the household “angel.” -p.16)

25.http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/405.html (When 1920s Hollywood starlet Mae West explained her single status: “Marriage is a wonderful institution. I’m just not ready for an institution yet.” – p. 17)

26.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias (“Confirmation bias” is the natural behavior of the brain to seek a sense that you are right – and to find the assumptions challenged or outright disproven can upset people to a neurological level. – p. 18)

27.DiFonzo, J Herbie. Beneath the Fault Line: the Popular and Legal Culture of Divorce in Twentieth Century America. Charlottesville, University Press of Virginia. 1997. (History already demonstrates that marriage did not come about for the sake of love, and that romantic love is a very recent third party in the marriage bed. – p. 19)

28.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love (The ancient Greeks went so far as to categorize types of love: platonic, erotic and fraternal. – p. 19)

29.Philips, Roderick. Untying the Knot. p. 70 (When a man took a wife, he took a woman to assist him in his labors. – p. 19)

30.Roderick, Philips. Putting Asunder: a History of Divorce in Western Society. New York. Cambridge University Press. 1988. (Nearly all the programs require Christian pre-marital counseling. – p. 21)

31.http://hamptonroads.com/2012/02/expert-assesses-effect-bad-economy-marriages (Because of a poor economy in the early 21st century, more couples are staying married for the stability and for the social and government benefits given to married couples. – p. 21)

32.(http://www.abc-7.com/story/15245746/2011/08/10/economy-blamed-for-fewer-divorces) (Marriages still broke down, but many people chose to maintain their legal married status or even stay in the same household rather than face loss of shared income at the same time as moving expenses. – p. 22)

33.(http://www.smartmarriages.com/legislation.html#legislation) (As of 2011, 5 states in the US passed legislation “in support of marriage.” – p. 22)

34.Ibis. (Most approved programs offered through Christian churches that also taught doctrine about marriage specific to the Christian denomination as part of the class. –p. 22)

35.Berger (This means that Wiccans, along with many other Pagans, tend towards mixed marriages. – p. 23)

36.http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=relationships-boost-survival (Individuals with healthy, loving relationships lived longer, had fewer chronic conditions, and lived better than those who did not have at least a few emotionally connected relationships. – p. 31)

37.Crime and Adultery in Ancient Egypt C. J. Eyre The Journal of Egyptian Archaeology Vol. 70, (1984), pp. 92-105 (Ancient cultures did have divorce practices. – p. 33)

38.Women, the Family, and Divorce Laws in Islamic History By Amira El Azhary Sonbol (Most divorce happened at the pleasure of the male partner. Islam was in part an attempt to reform these laws and to allow women some rights within marriage. – p. 33)

39.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce (In ancient Rome, either a husband or wife could renounce the marriage. – p. 33)

40.Ibis (In ancient Greece, a magistrate heard petitions from the man and from there decided whether to allow the divorce. – p. 33)

41.http://www.isesco.org.ma/english/publications/islamAIC/Chap14.php (In ancient Islamic cultures, a man could divorce his wife only with the testimony to the failure of the marriage from two adult male witnesses- p. 33)

42.The Code of Hammurabi, King of Babylon: About 2250 B.C. : Autographed Text By Robert Francis Harper (In 15th century Cairo, 3 in 10 marriages ended in divorce. – p. 34)

43.Philips, Untying the Knot. (This is extremely difficult to do in secretly. When divorce was illegal in some states in the United States, couples did do this. – p. 36)

44.Matt. 19:6, 8-9). (The New Testament of the Christian Bible justifies the taboo on divorce – p. 36)

45.Corinthians 1:7 (indicates that marriage is allowable only for people unable to remain celibate. – p. 36)

46.http://www.infobarrel.com/Lutheran_Marriage (Certain synods of the Lutheran church are famous for strict policies banning divorced congregants from remarriage – p. 36)

47.http://www.saveoursacrament.org/BasicSteps.html (annulment questionnaire filled with questions that might best asked before marriage. – p. 36)

48.http://judaism.about.com/library/3_askrabbi_c/bl_divorce_get_oc.htm (In Orthodox Judaism, a wife who leaves her husband must obtain a “get,” a rabbi-approved permit for divorce – p. 36)

49.http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=articles&id=92752 (Islam divorce may only happen with the approval of two male witnesses. – p. 36)

50.Dalley, Stephanie (translator.) Myths from Mesopotamia: Creation, the Flood, Gilgamesh, and Others. Oxford University Press. 1989. (myth of Ereshkigal. – p. 38)

51.Descent of the Goddess: a Way of Initiation for Women by Sylvia Brinton Perrera. (The Sumerian myth forms the basis of many a descent myth used to illustrate spiritual initiation.  – p. 38)

52.Ibis (The dead ate mud, no light came down that cave, and sooner or later Ereshkigal had to eat the dead. – p. 38)

53.Ibis (hung her sister from a meat hook. – p. 39)

54.May p.6 (While painted as a social ill by some, the option to terminate a marriage offers a safety valve, a chance to right wrongs before they beget generations of tragedy. – p. 42)

55.Rosenfeld, Richard. Changing Relationships Between Men and Women A Note on the Decline in Intimate Partner Homicide. Homicide Studies. 1997. Despite arguments that divorce is a social ill, everywhere divorce is legal there is also a sharp decline in the murder rate. – p. 42)

56.For context, since 1990 the “Bible belt” has widened considerably and spread to areas typically considered more liberal/tolerant of ethnic, religious, and racial mixing. (This happened most with women living in the “Bible belt” of the United States. – p. 43)

57.Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World. Three Rivers Press. 2009. (Women especially see the worst side of it from other women, and for those who somehow escaped or came out atop in Queen Bee Girl World as children can experience a status loss they once only inflicted. – p. 44)

58.Spiritual Cleansing by Draja Mickaharick (A repellent bowl might contain olive oil, garlic leaves and chili peppers. Water and a piece of camphor is also an elegant and cleansing solution. – p. 57)

59.Micharick, Draja. A Century of Spells. (Malokkio, or the evil eye, persists in some form in all cultures. – p. 58)

60.Nauert, Rick PhD. Depression’s Chemical Imbalance Explained. Pysch Central. http://psychcentral.com/news/2006/11/09/depressions-chemical-imbalance-explained/398.html Nov 10, 2006 (Depression is the natural expression of grief. It is also complicated in that at times it is simply an expression, a mood, and at other times it is a disease. The chemicals linked to depression that enter your bloodstream have an addictive effect. [NEEDS CITATION – p. 63)]

61.Referred to in Laurie Cabot’s Celebrate the Earth (Rose leaves, according to some Wiccan lore, heal a broken heart. – p. 72)

62.Woulda Coulda Shoulda is a Midwestern US colloquialism for regrets – “would have, should have, could have.” (The “Woulda Coulda Shoulda” ritual – p. 110)63.Margaret Stroebe PhD & Henk Schut PhD (1998): Culture and grief, Bereavement Care, 17:1, 7-11

64.Clarke-Stewart, Alison K. and Bailey, Bonnie L. Adjusting to Divorce: Why do men have it easier? Journal of Divorce. 1990. Vol 13, Issue 2. (Divorce changes your entire lifestyle and that means that on a deep-seated neurological level you will need more than a few moments a day to adjust to it. – p. 144)

65.Macnab, Andrew J., L. Yvonne Beckett, Christine Cohen Park, and Lori Sheckter. “Journal writing as a social support strategy for parents of premature infants: a pilot study.” Patient education and counseling 33, no. 2 (1998): 149-159.

66.Harmon, Katherine. “Social ties boost Survival by 50%.” Scientific American July 8, 2010. (Adults with strong social networks live 50% longer than they live those without do. – p. 147)

67.Children’s adjustment in conflicted marriage and divorce: A decade review of research.  (Nothing hurts more than knowing your parents have tension and imagining what is happening while parents “protect” and thus exclude children from a serious event that affects their lives.  – p. 151) Kelly, Joan B.  Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, Vol 39(8), Aug 2000, 963-973.